


All the Ways (I Love You)

by Shia_NoBuff



Series: Lilith Can't Bet [4]
Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26355664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shia_NoBuff/pseuds/Shia_NoBuff
Summary: “There had been something else Beatrice had wanted to say then. Something she wanted to say every time they kissed, every time Ava made her laugh, pretty much any time she was with Ava. But she couldn’t. Because those three words scared her more than Adriel himself. “OrBeatrice wants to tell Ava she loves her. Mary is very good at making bets. Featuring gay mess™ Beatrice and elder gay™ Mary.
Relationships: Shotgun Mary/Shannon Masters (Past Relationship), Sister Beatrice & Shotgun Mary, Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva, Sister Lilith/Sister Camila, camilil - Relationship
Series: Lilith Can't Bet [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1891867
Comments: 4
Kudos: 223





	All the Ways (I Love You)

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine. Happy reading!

Beatrice had never been the best at articulating her feelings. She had been the Speech and Debate champion at boarding school, she’d even got an oration award when she graduated, but feelings were a whole different ball game. Especially her feelings for Ava.

She wasn’t sure when the feelings had started: she’d been drawn to Ava since the halo bearer had decided to sit with her at meal time - drawn to her liveliness and her spirit - but by the time she recognized her feelings for Ava, she had already fallen hard. Beatrice had never really had to tell Ava how she felt before because Ava had assumed they were together when Beatrice was still struggling to come up with the right words to say. It was amazing how the two of them seemed to instinctively know what the other was feeling. Beatrice had never felt that with the other sisters before. Even though she’d known the others for years, she and Ava were so in sync.

Like when Beatrice had started teaching Ava how to use an aikido jo staff. It was one of Beatrice’s favorite weapons, and Ava had been awestruck by her deft movements. Before Ava could even open her mouth to speak, Beatrice instantly knew what she was going to say.

“You have to be jo-king. There’s no way I can use that thing,” Ava’s disbelief was offset by her gorgeous smile. Beatrice snorted with laughter.

“That was so bad, Ava.”

There had been something else she had wanted to say then. Something she wanted to say every time they kissed, every time Ava made her laugh, pretty much any time she was with Ava. But she couldn’t. Because those three words scared her more than Adriel himself. Because what if Ava didn’t feel the same way? Because it had been the better part of a decade since she had heard those three syllables.

And so Beatrice had simply begun instructing Ava on the safety and basics of using the staff. The whole time the words had been stuck in her head like a broken record,  _ I love you, I love you, I love you _ . She was so distracted that she almost let Ava beat her a couple times. When they finished their training, Beatrice was breathing harder than usual, and she could feel a flush in her cheeks that wasn’t only from the heat.

Ava had been concerned, but Beatrice waved her off and went back to her room to meditate. She needed to focus her brain. Her meditation session hadn’t been the most productive, but it was enough to be able to focus on something other than her feelings for her girlfriend.

~~~~

Beatrice couldn’t say the words, but she conveyed them with every touch, every gentle look. A few days later, Ava had hand-to-hand combat training with Lilith. Unlike Beatrice, who tried to be kind with Ava, Lilith would throw in sharp words: little barbs here and there about Ava’s abilities. Beatrice knew this was Lilith’s way of trying to toughen Ava up, but she also knew how much Ava disliked it. By the end of their session Ava was shaking. As soon as she stepped off the mat, Beatrice immediately wrapped Ava in a tight hug. She ignored the way Ava’s sweat was seeping through her habit as she held Ava until she began to calm down.  _ I love you _ , she thought as they embraced, hoping that by some miracle Ava might hear her thoughts. Of course, shel couldn’t, but the smile she gave Beatrice when they finally released each other was more than enough for her.

~~~~

Ava had a hard time falling asleep on occasion, and when she did Beatrice would often sit in bed with her and regale her with stories. It didn’t matter what kind she told - stories from the Bible, Greek Mythology, fairy tales - Ava loved them all. There was something soothing about Bea’s voice, it made her forget her worries for a moment, let her relax a little. Sometimes Beatrice just talked to her until she saw her girlfriend’s eyelids start to droop. Once Ava had fallen asleep, Beatrice would tuck the covers up to her chin.  _ I love you _ . She’d place a gentle kiss on Ava’s forehead before turning out the lights and gently closing the door to Ava’s room behind her. 

~~~~

Being new to the whole “moving” thing made Ava pretty clumsy. The last time she had been able to run around her limbs had been significantly shorter, so she was often getting tangled up and tripping over her own feet. Beatrice would just put a hand over her mouth and stifle a laugh before checking to make sure if Ava was okay. 

Bea began noticing holes in Ava’s clothes: a tear in the knee of her pants from when she had tripped up the steps (because that was a thing that could happen, apparently), a rip in her sleeve from that time Ava had gotten stuck in a bush ( _ “Stupid plants!” _ ), an unraveled hem due to Ava’s compulsory need to pull at loose threads. So she formed a habit (ha) of taking Ava’s clothes after they were laundered. Not to steal them (although Beatrice had “borrowed” one, or several (who was counting?), of Ava’s sweatshirts), but to mend them. Sewing and suturing weren’t all that different, and Beatrice was adept at both. She carefully stitched Ava’s clothes back together, using scraps as patches when necessary, each stitch a little “I love you”. Ava didn’t know Beatrice was mending her clothes, but the gesture made her insanely happy.

“Look, Bea! Someone fixed my clothes,” she’d grin like a maniac and run her fingers over the expert stitches. Beatrice’s heart would leap from her chest everytime that happened,

“Yes, it appears someone did,” she’d smile back, never tiring of Ava’s puppy-like excitement.

~~~~

Beatrice was wandering Cat’s Cradle, trying to center her thoughts. She meandered aimlessly, letting her feet carry her wherever they pleased, and was surprised when she found herself outside of Mary’s room. The door was open and Mary sat at her desk, polishing one of her guns. Beatrice gently knocked on the door frame.

“Mary?” Beatrice tried to make her voice gentle so as to not scare her friend,

“Oh, hey Beatrice. Do you need something?” Mary’s voice wasn’t unkind, but she didn’t seem particularly happy about being interrupted. Beatrice hesitated before speaking,

“I was wondering If I could talk to you. About--” she gestured helplessly. Mary smirked,

“About the fact that you’re a useless gay who can’t talk about her feelings?”

“Um, yes, actually. How did you?” Beatrice trailed off as Mary waved a hand.

“Come, Beatrice. Let an elder gay provide you with some wisdom.”

Beatrice walked into Mary’s room, closing the door behind her. Mary put her gun down and pointed for Bea to sit on her bed.

“So, what’s going on?”

Beatrice seemed to have lost the ability to speak. She opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water, finally managing to choke out,

“Feelings, talking, hard,”

To Mary’s credit, she didn’t immediately bust out laughing. She nodded understandingly and leaned forward in her chair,

“Take your time Bea, I’m not going anywhere.”

Mary hated the things the church and its followers had done to people like Bea and Shannon. She hated that self-loathing was so deeply ingrained in their minds that they could barely speak. Shannon had been that way too, when they’d first started dating. Not quite as bad as Beatrice, but she still struggled with accepting her happiness.

“I want to tell Ava something, but I can’t. It never feels like the right time—I haven’t said those words, haven’t heard them in such a long time, what if I do it wrong? What if she doesn’t feel the same way? I think she does but you never know and I don’t know what I’d do if she didn’t and—”

Rambling was something Bea seemed to have picked up from Ava. Mary thought it was kind of adorable. But unlike Ava, who never seemed to shut up, Beatrice only rambled when her anxiety started to spike.

“Bea, hey. Beatrice,” Mary attempted to get Beatrice’s attention, “look at me,”

Beatrice stopped rocking and looked Mary in the eyes,

“That’s it. Deep breaths. In and out, good.” Mary soothed, careful not to touch the sister. Beatrice was especially twitchy when she got anxious and Mary wasn’t looking to get a broken nose. 

“Look,” she continued once Beatrice had calmed down a bit, “I’m not saying I know everything, but what I do know is that you’re probably overthinking this. Let it happen naturally, don’t force yourself to say anything before you’re one hundred percent ready, okay?”

Beatrice nodded and inhaled slowly. She reached her arm towards Mary and awkwardly placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Thank you, Mary. You always know what to say,” she smiled tightly.

“Of course, Beatrice. I’m always here for you,” Mary nodded as Beatrice stood and left the room, her shoulders a bit more relaxed than when she had entered.

~~~~

“I’m telling you both, it’s gonna be Beatrice!” Mary brought her fist down on the table a bit harder than she had intended to and a couple daggers rattled. She was helping Camila reorganize the armory and to her surprise, Lilith had been there too. Camila shook her head,

“Ava was just telling me the other day about how she wanted to tell Bea she loved her,”

“I agree with Camila,” Lilith carefully put down the crossbow she was holding, “it’s not like Beatrice to be spontaneous and forthcoming like that,”

“See? Even Lil agrees with me!” Camila stuck her tongue out at Mary teasingly. Mary internally raised an eyebrow when she saw Lilith blush a little. So  _ that _ was why Lilith had been helping Camila. 

“Fine, let’s bet on it,” Mary crosses her arms, “if Ava says it first, I’ll do both of your chores for two weeks. If Bea does, the two of you do mine.”

“Let’s shake on it,” Camila said without hesitation, much to Lilith’s chagrin. Mary captured Camila’s hand in a firm handshake. Lilith just stood and shook her head. She hadn’t even wanted to bet this time, but she’d gotten dragged into it anyway.  _ Why me _ , she thought as she turned back to the weapons in front of her. She desperately hoped Camila was right.

~~~~

“Why did we volunteer to do research on Scandinavia again?” Ava groaned and lowered her head onto the table, a small yelp escaping when she landed too hard.

“ _ I _ volunteered, not you, dear,” Beatrice didn’t look from the book she was reading. Scandinavia narrowed their options about Adriel’s whereabouts, but it was still a large place.

“Then why did you ask me to come here with you?” Ava whined and gestured around the library with her middle finger.

“We’re still in a monastery, Ava,” Beatrice chided, “and I specifically said you didn’t have to come. You can leave anytime,”

“But I wanna be by you,” Ava really acted like a child sometimes. If anyone else had done that, Beatrice probably would have started throwing hands, but she just rolled her eyes and patted Ava on the back.  _ I love you. _

Beatrice continued her research as Ava fiddled with her fingers, spaced out. The outside world faded away as Beatrice focused. She was pulled back to the real world by the sound of Ava’s snores. Her mouth was slightly agape and Beatrice could see a little drool starting to drip down her chin. She shook her head and placed a gentle kiss in Ava’s hair.

“I love you,” she whispered. It was progress, whispering the words to her unconscious girlfriend. Ava would never know Beatrice had said them, but Bea knew, and that was enough for her.

The sun had already set by the time Bea decided to call it a night. She gently nudged Ava, who raised her head,

“Hmm?”

“Let’s get you to bed, Ava.”

Beatrice half led, half carried a barely conscious Ava to her room. Ava didn’t even bother changing her clothes, simply kicking off her shoes before sliding into bed. Beatrice brought the sheets up to cover Ava, who grinned sloppily. Beatrice kissed Ava’s forehead and was startled when the halo bearer spoke.

“I love you too, Bea.”

Beatrice was too startled to do anything but stare for a bit as Ava drifted back into unconsciousness. Ava loved her. Adorable, quirky, soft Ava Silva loved someone like her. 

She passed Mary’s room on the way to her own and saw that the light was on under the door. She knocked and a surprised looking Mary opened the door.

“Bea? What’s up?”

“I did it,” Bea still couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth, “I told her,”

Mary face broke into an uncharacteristically wide grin,

“I knew you could do it, Beatrice.”

“Why are you smiling so wide?” Beatrice thought Mary looked even happier than Bea felt,

“I’m just happy for you,” Mary said,  _ and me _ . She was definitely going to enjoy the next two weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written anything, school is hard :(. I should have another chapter of Faith, Hope, and Love up by the end of the week though. It is, in fact, possible to fall up the stairs (I know because I’ve done it ;-;). I had a hard time coming up with a title for this one and I ended up using a lyric from Meghan Trainor’s “All the Ways” as inspiration. Constructive feedback is always welcome!


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